Fire and Powder
by L-Ulliel
Summary: Edward and Bella's relationship has the potential to have devastating consequences in both their lives. Can you really keep someone on earth with you if they desperately don't want to be there? All human/Rated M for language
1. Chapter 1 Motivational Elephants

**A/N - **My first story on . Of course, constructive criticism is always, always welcome.

A quick outline so you know what's going on:  
Edward and Bella - both human - but not a lot of other characters, unless I decide to add them in later - maybe I will, I don't know....  
Edward lives with his mum - Esme - and Bella lives with her parents - Renee and Charlie - who are obviously together in the story. Set in forks.

Also, sometimes, I often find I will write from different perspectives where I feel appropriate, sometimes I'm just curious.

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all it's characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own it, I didn't write it, and I didn't create any of the characters, very sadly.

Edward POV

I observed the room with mild distaste. It really was like some Hollywood movie set; circle of chairs, shitty cordial, home brand biscuits and all.

I didn't even attempt to wipe the frown off my face, even though I probably looked possessed – I had agreed to come, but I'd never said I would pretend to be happy about it.

I stared at the cheesy motivational posters plastered all over the walls, that said stuff like "Winners never quit; quitters never win", and wondered if it were possible for them to make me feel any _less_ motivated. I wanted to tear them the fuck down so I wouldn't have to look at all the happy – fucking – non quitting – cartoon elephants anymore.

The shrink sat down, and actually clapped her hands together – because there was just _so _much fucking noise in the room.

I was wrestling with myself as I listened to the sounds of the other teenagers shuffling to the ring of chairs.

I was itching to just throw myself off the wall and get as far away from this fucking place, but some tiny, sane part of my brain told me I would regret it like a bitch later.

Instead, I shoved myself off the wall, tore my eyes off the door, and dragged my feet to join the circle.

The sight of them all sitting, looking so fucking conventional made me want to vomit up the contents of my stomach and some. I squeezed myself through the space between a small looking girl and some really fat guy. It was silent, which was awkward, as I dropped into the last empty chair and folded my arms across my chest.

Everybody was staring at me, which was really shitting me, until the shrink gave a cough and they all looked at her.

"My name is Sue," she said, but tapped her name tag as well.

No shit you douche bag.

"And I want to congratulate you all for making the decision to come here. I hope that I'll be able to get to know all of you very well soon,"

Over my dead body. What part of I don't want to fucking be here, don't you get?

"I strongly believe in the immensely significant healing power of _group _counselling, and so these sessions – sharing and talking about your problems with your peers; people your own age, is endlessly beneficial," she took a long pause then, and made a point of smiling at each and every one of us around the circle in turn.

I wondered what sort of minimum wage she was getting paid to say this shit.

"I also believe that the first step to recovery is admitting your problem; so, we're going to go around the circle, please tell us your name, and why you're here,"

Holy fucking Christ. I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a rusty fucking fork. Could this possibly _get _anymore clichéd?

She started with the guy to her left, who told us about how much he gets taunted at school.

The next girl told us about her eating disorder; talking in detail about her aversion to food, and I very nearly fell asleep. She glared at me when she finally finished.

The next guy spoke about his over – eating disorder, telling us about how very much he is addicted to food, which was evident in his size, and also slightly disturbing.

It was only vaguely interesting to me how the majority of these stories had managed to hold my interest, but I didn't allow it too much thought. If I was honest with myself – something that I rarely was – I knew that it was easier listening to other peoples problems than thinking about mine. So much easier.

The shrink was looking at the chick next to me, who met her gaze looking bored. She emanated _I don't care_ waves.

"I'm Bella," she said, "and I'm here because 3 months ago, I tried to kill myself,"

Silence.

Then the circle erupted in gasps and whispers, until Sue hushed them.

Wait what?

The girl had a fucking annoying smug look on her face. What the fuck was that about? How was she so nonchalant?

I dart my eyes up, and find that Sue is staring at me. Realising that it is supposed to be my turn, I look right back with a death stare that screams 'You're not getting one motherfucking thing out of me, so just give up'

Eventually, she does, turning to the guy on my other side without a second glance.

I managed to tune the rest of the people out; I used up all my patience on the first half of the circle.

Finally, mercifully, the moment comes, and Sue says, "Well done, everyone. I'm extremely proud of all of you, admitting your problems is the hardest part," Her eyes lingered on me when she said, "I hope I'll see all of you again next week,"

I didn't wait for anymore of a dismissal than that. I slid my chair back across the floor, and shoved my way out of the fucking circle. Sue doesn't say anything, so I take that as an indication that she won't mind if I leave and get as far away from this room as possible.

I didn't look back as I turned the door handle and then slammed the door behind me.

Fuck, eating disorders and suicidal chicks and stereotypical therapists; this was some weird as shit.

Sounds like it's going to be just my style.

**A/N - **Reviews are awesome, and I've got heaps more up my sleeve, so please do?!

P.S - while I'm here, I'll apologise for my language - I swear compulsively, so I apologise if I offend anyone!


	2. Chapter 2 Pretty Fucking smiles

**A/N** - Second Chapter - still Edwards point of view, as you can see....

....and everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer....

Edward POV

I dragged my feet through the door for the second time, hardly believing that I had actually managed to get myself here. The familiar sense of wanting to stab something washed through me as I crossed the threshold, and was greeted with all the fucking conventionality and happy fucking elephant posters. I went straight to the circle this time, and dropped into the same seat as last time. I could feel a suffocating routine in the making. I hated routines and I especially hated predictability.

Sue was the only other person not attempting to digest the cheapo biscuits, and she smiled at me in an attempt to alleviate the awkwardness. I didn't try to help her. She eventually looked away when she realised that I wasn't going to give in and smile, and busied herself by calling the others to the circle to try and hide her embarrassment. I could feel the smirk on my face, which was probably rude, but I didn't attempt to hide it. The same crowd from last week made their way to the circle, and just like last week, they all looked depressed. I wondered vaguely if that was what I looked like, then I realised that I didn't give a shit. The same chic as last week sat down next to me, and when I looked, pretty much everyone was in the same seat.

Fucking routines.

Sue did the fucking coughing thing with her throat then, and the two people that were talking stopped. Jesus, everyone was so friendly here.

"Okay everyone" she said "Thanks for coming again, I'm so glad to see all your faces here tonight, well done," again with the fucking hippy – shrink stuff. The itching to throw something grew stronger, and I wondered how I was going to be able to get through an hour of listening to her shit without fucking destroying the folding chair I was sitting on, and ripping down the elephant posters. I clenched my fists and folded my arms across my chest, willing myself not to do anything stupid. Destroying the counsellors property really didn't fit in with the deal I had, and I didn't like breaking my promises.

"Tonight, I thought that we would take a break from our problems and issues, and think about our lives" Sue smiled – I was beginning to think that there was nothing that I could hate more in the fucking world than that smile. "So we're going to assess our lives, and outline things that we want to improve, things that we are happy with, and what we want from the future"

There were appreciative murmurs from around the circle, and lots of head nodding. I didn't feel like nodding my head, I felt like smacking it against a brick wall. She was not going to make me do this. Surely the universe could not be that cruel. Was this a counselling group or some religious reflective fucking shit?! I was this close to fucking running out of the room.

She started going around the circle, making everyone tell the whole circle something they dreamed about getting out of their lives. The other people seemed quite alright with sharing, which I just couldn't fathom the reason behind. It was the usual shit; falling in love, travelling, having a big happy fucking family with their soul mates, all the predictable stuff. All except the chic next to me, who looked like she was going to cry when it was her turn. She had her arms wrapped around herself, and just said "I don't know" in a really tiny fucking voice.

I racked my brains, and then suddenly remembered that she was the one who had tried to off herself. Right, that explained it; she probably had no plans for the future. Sounded like she was in the same boat as me; trying to live only in the present, not thinking any further than tomorrow.

She still looked like she wanted to cry, but now she was really really pale too. I wondered if she was going to vomit, and then hoped to God that it wouldn't be on me. Jesus, why did these chairs have to be so close together?!

Tiny Fucking circle.

She didn't vomit, but shoved her chair back, and threw herself out of the circle, running to the door and slamming it behind her. I wondered where the fuck she was going. Maybe to vomit out there.

I hoped it would be in Sue's office

Sue sighed, and stared after her.

"Ewdward, can you go see if you can get her back? I have a feeling that this session would be extremely.... beneficial for her"

I blinked, "Me?" why the fuck did it have to be me? And how the fuck did she even remember my name?

"Yes, please, unless you have something you'd like to share with us about your aspirations?" she quirked an eyebrow at me. No I fucking didn't, and she knew it.

Stupid fucking know it all bitch.

I got up, and dragged my feet to the door. I slammed the door behind me, to indicate my distaste. The unheated hallway was freezing, and there were so many fucking doors along it. I didn't know where the fuck she would be. I decided that just checking every room would be simplest, so I poked my head around every doorway as I made my way down the hallway. I ran my fingers through my hair when I stood at the other end of the hallway, 10 minutes later, and there was still no sign of her. There was no fucking way that I was checking the chic bathroom, so I went to check the alley out the back in the hope that she would be there.

It was even colder outside, and I had to stand there, blind for a second while my eyes adjusted. I scanned the black quickly, really wishing that I had listened to her name, so that I could call it out. Something shuffled in the alleyway, and guessing it was her, I went to check behind the bins.

She was sitting next to the garbage bins, legs crossed, staring into space. Thank God, no bathrooms for me. She looked up at me, standing there in front of her, and smiled a wry smile.

"Jesus Christ" I said "What the fuck are you doing out here? You could be fucking raped in a place like this"

She laughed for some reason, and kept smiling.

"She sent you for me did she?"

I nodded

"I'm surprised, and.... a bit disappointed to be honest" she was still smiling that grim smile. "I'm surprised she isn't out here herself, making sure that I'm not trying to do myself in again"

She shook her head, and then laughed, and I was shocked how casually she could discuss her attempts to kill herself.

"So it's true then?" I said before I could help myself.

She quirked her eyebrow at me, smiling faintly, it was a challenge. It clearly said "what do you think?". I didn't doubt that it was true any longer.

I took in her appearance on the ground, and then thought about what was waiting for me inside. I made up my mind, and folded myself on the ground opposite her.

"She says that the session "will be beneficial" or some shit, and told me to come find you"

She nodded vaguely to herself, but didn't say anything.

"So.... are you going to go?" I hedged, because the silence was awkward.

Her eyes widened, and she looked truly nervous for the first time, despite the fact she had been sitting in an alleyway in the pitch black in the shittiest part of the suburb.

"No fucking way" she said. I blinked. I knew that I cursed all the time, but it sounded somewhat harsher from her mouth. Maybe I was going to have a rival; I had never met anyone with a dirtier mouth than I had.

There was really fucking awkward silence again, but she didn't do anything to try and alleviate it. So I said, "Well, I'm Edward," to break it.

She smiled, appreciating my efforts, and shook her head slightly, which I didn't understand.

"I'm Bella" I noticed really randomly that when she wasn't being all wry and dark, that she had a really pretty smile.

What the fuck? A pretty smile? Holy shit.

I nodded, even though her name didn't ring any bells – I really mustn't have listened to anything last time.

She broke the silence this time, thank God. "So how did you end up in a shit hole like this?" she said.

Of course, the first fucking thing she asks. The first fucking thing everyone asks. I thought really carefully about my answer, deciding that she deserved some more than Sue, seeing as she had been honest about herself, and if she was half as curious about me as I was about her, she would be fucking dying to know.

"There is.... a lot of shit going on at home" I offered. She seemed to accept this, and I was relieved that she didn't try to push for anything else.

"So you're here because you tried to off yourself" I stated, partly to get the conversation away from me, and partly because I was really dying to know. I decided that if she could be casual, then she wouldn't mind if I skipped the polite shit either.

"Yep" she said; I was right, she didn't seem to care. "Therapists orders" she added, and smiled, because she found something funny with that shit. I nodded, and then it was awkward and silent again.

"You can go back in" she offered, nodding her head towards the door, "I'm not going back in there,"

"No fucking way," I said, "I've got a free ticket out, and I'm using it," and, if I was truthful , I wanted continue this shit ass awkward conversation. She just nodded again.

"You know what's really weird?" she said abruptly. I followed her gaze, and saw that she was staring up at the dark sky, which was speckled with a few stars. She looked animated all of a sudden, her eyes were bright with excitement.

"No, what?" I said, slightly wary of her sudden mood swing.

"Stars" she answered "Stars are amazing," she shook her head to herself, and smiled faintly, leaning her head against the wall. "You know those stars-"she pointed at the sky – "are thousands and thousands and millions of light years away, and so what we are seeing right now, is back in time," she glanced at me again, and I nodded.

What the fuck. I couldn't keep up with her. Suicide to stars?

"Because it takes so many millions of years for the light to travel, we are looking back in time right this second – those stars could implode, but we wouldn't even know until a million years later,"

"Cool," I said, because I thought it was.

"It's fucking amazing," she said, and smiled the great big pretty smile again.

So....she liked stars then. Actually, if I thought about it, it was pretty amazing – time travel has been the talk for centuries, and here we were doing it just by looking at some stars. I wondered where she had learnt all that shit about stars, probably school. Then I realised that didn't even know how old she was; maybe she didn't even go to school anymore.

"How old are you?" I said, "I'm 17," I tacked on at the end, so I didn't sound like an idiot.

"I'm 17 too," she told me.

So, maybe she did still go to school. Maybe she was all really into science and shit; what with liking stars and all that.

"Can I ask you something?" she said suddenly. She was biting down on her bottom lip, and there was a little crease in between her eyebrows. She looked irritated, but nervous.

"Sure...." I said, wary- I thought I knew what she was going to ask, "_What shit is going on at home_?" – I mean, she was pretty cool and shit, but I wasn't ready to start fucking spilling my guts to her.

"Why the fuck don't you buy jeans that fit you?" the words came out in a rush, but she looked relieved that she had got it out. It seemed that it had really been bugging her.

What the fuck.

"Umm.... what?" I seriously didn't know if I had heard right.

"Seriously, your jeans are fucking half way down your ass," her words were rushed, and I could tell she was really irritated.

What the fuck. _Your jeans are halfway down your ass???_ Was she fucking with me?

"Surely you could get a belt, or here's a new idea, buy one's in your size? It's really been shitting me,"

_It's really been shitting me? _Were we seriously talking about my jeans? I couldn't keep up with the weird changes in direction that she was taking the conversation in. She was pissed off at how I wore my jeans? What?

"Sorry?" I apologised, because I had no idea what else to say.

I'd never actually thought about it to be honest, and I couldn't wrap my head around it now. There really was no shit with her, if it was on her mind, she would say it.

She shook her head, and said "I'm glad I got that off my chest, I've been dying to say that since last week," she laughed, "seriously, I was contemplating bringing one of my brother's belts and giving it to you this week,"

Holy Fucking Christ. No shit with her.

Her statement had distracted me though, and I hoped to take the focus off of me with my next query.

"You have a brother?" I said, glad that the focus could be off where I wore my jeans.

"Yeah" she nodded, "And a sister"

"Are you all close?" I tried to imagine her and her sister doing sisterly shit, putting on makeup, and doing each others' hair, but I couldn't picture it.

"No" she snorted, and laughed. "We used to be, I suppose, until we hit adolescence, and then, all of a sudden, we couldn't stand each other," she smiled and shook her head, and I guessed that she wished that it had turned out differently. "And my brother," she continued, "We barely even see him anymore – he turned 21 last year," she explained "Technically, he still lives at home, but he only really comes back for insignificant things like food, and sometimes sleep," she laughed and shook her head "God knows what the fuck he actually gets up to,"

I nodded, thinking that I would probably like her brother. She seemed wistfully nostalgic when she talked about her family, and I wondered what life was like at home for her since her suicide attempt. Pretty awkward, I figured, how do you even explain that to your family, especially when you fail? That would be even worse than it actually working. All the people you love to answer to, having to explain why you had tried to do it, plus being watched all the time. Everyone would constantly be on tenterhooks around you, trying to make sure that you didn't try again.

"So how about you?" she said abruptly, and I was distracted from my thoughts. "Have you got brothers and sisters?"

I shook my head at her. "Nope, it's just me and my mum,"

She nodded, and said "what about –"

I cut her off, "my father?" I said, finishing her question. "The bastard took off 15 years ago," I hoped that my statement indicated that this part of the conversation was over, and she wouldn't try to ask anything more.

She didn't. Instead, she said, "Well, mine is the conventional fucking family, mum and dad who love each other, three academic, sporty, piano playing kids, all that shit,"

"I hate conventional" I spat.

"So do I," she said to my intense surprise. "And I nearly ruined all their precious fucking conventionality "she said, and for the first time, her tone was bitter. I wondered if maybe her parents felt differently about her attempts than I had thought. She muttered something to herself then, and I thought I caught "So fucking conventional" in there.

Her mood changed so rapidly that it was hard to keep up. I found her fascinating though, with all her random shit about stars, and hatred of conventionality. She was looking at her lap, with a wistful sort of expression on her face. I didn't want her to be sad, to be honest; I wanted to see the pretty smile again.

"Well, yeah, I hate conventional," I said, trying to distract her, and then I realised how fucking stupid that sounded. I shook my head at myself as she suddenly burst into laughter.

"Yeah, I got that" she said, still laughing. I couldn't stop myself joining in, laughter really was fucking contagious. She was smiling now, at least, even if it was at my expense.

"You know what?" she said, leaning her head back against the wall.

"No," I said

Suddenly the door opened, and the alleyway was flooded with light. People spilled out of the door. Holy shit, was the hour up already? All the other depressed teens eyed us as they left the community building, and I couldn't believe that the whole hour had actually passed while we sat here in the scummy fucking alleyway. Sue stepped out of the door then, just as I was about to ask Ada what it was that she had been about to say. She walked toward us, her eyes narrowed, clutching about a million folders and bags.

"So this is where you two disappeared to," she looked stern and as though she wanted to yell at us for missing her beneficial fucking session.

"Yeah," Bella said, unperturbed.

"You know I'll be telling Stacy about this don't you Bella?"

"Sure," Bella smiled back at her condescendingly. She didn't look fazed at all.

Sue seemed to realise that she didn't have any more authority over us, so she just said, "I hope I'll be seeing you next week," and turned to scurry out of the alley towards her car parked on the safe main road.

"Stacy?" I enquired

"Therapist," she said shaking her head and rolling her eyes, "I swear to God, I have no privacy, fucking Sue tells her _everything_ – it's like I'm an invalid,"

"Ah," I nodded in sympathy.

She turned suddenly, looking over my shoulder at the car that had pulled up at the mouth of the alleyway.

"That's my dad," she said, and stood up. I stood up too, and we made our way down towards the main road where the car was stalling, waiting.

"Your dad?" I said,

Seriously? She got picked up from this shit?

She shrugged, and smiled a wry smile as she opened the car door. "We're conventional," she said

I laughed at that as she slipped into the car, and waved as she slammed the door behind her. It was too dark to see the man inside of it.

Neither of us asked, but I knew I was going to be back next week, and I was pretty sure she would be too.

**A/N** - Review please! Reviews make me so happy....


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